So, Christmas is over. Honestly, I don’t remember why it was so important for me to be HERE for it this year. I didn’t have a bad Christmas alone in Alberta last year – at least I had snow! We waited to open our gifts until Boxing Day, which was fine, but I was still required to go to my Uncle’s house for Christmas dinner, which I could have done without. My Aunt was there in full form, bossing everyone around as though she was friggin’ Hitler of the Christmas dinner. I can’t properly convey just how bossy she was being – but try this: We’re all milling about, having just got there, getting drinks, snacking, chatting, that sort of thing. She decides that she, her brother, her sister and their mother should all open their gifts RIGHT NOW. So, she runs around the tiny little living room/dining room, YELLING, “Come on! We’re doing presents now!” And when my father was slower getting there (for Christ’s sake, HE’S not getting a present, and hasn’t brought one, so why should he have to watch?) she yelled at him about three times to “Hurry UP, Brian!” I don’t know how he didn’t tell her off!
We do this gift exchange thing in that family – everyone brings a $10 gift, we throw them all under the tree, then go choose and open them one by one. It’s a whole game wherein everyone draws a number, and in chronological order, picks a present from beneath the tree. The following person can either choose a gift from the tree, or steal one that’s already been opened. We’ve been playing this game on both sides of the family for years now, but before we started this year, Aunt Bossy announced that she had to go over the rules (AGAIN – she does this every f-ing YEAR), then also announced that, next year, she wants to up the base gift price from $10 to $20. Uh, I thought this was supposed to be a GAME? A gag?! Gags don’t bloody cost $20. Frig that. She also announced (not suggested, she doesn’t suggest things – she TELLS people things) that next year, there would be NO MORE GIFT CERTIFICATES. This was proclaimed most emphatically. Apparently, outlawing gift certificates will guarantee some more “imagination” in the gift giving. Hrm. So, let’s see, shall we? Now the damn JOKE gift has to be worth $20, and if you’re pressed for time or ideas, you’re not allowed to buy a gift certificate, which someone would actually USE. Bullshit. Like I said to my brother: Screw that. Next year, it will be a $5 gift certificate to a dollar store. Don’t dictate to me what kind of gift I’m allowed to contribute, you imperious COW!
And get this: after all her pontificating and rule-making (a frigging YEAR in advance), guess what dear Aunt Bossy went and stole for her gift? A f!#king LCBO GIFT CARD! Oooh, the precious irony. I swear, I wanted to throttle her all night. Good thing I was too drunk to stand, let alone kill anyone. In fact, when it was time to put out the desserts, I added the ones I’d been baking all week and she actually got snotting about it! She complained to her fiance (who was sitting right next to me, so lucky me, I heard her) that there were too many desserts, and at least hers were non-fattening. I didn’t realize it was a bloody contest! I just thought that I would contribute something to the meal I was eating. I almost told her to eat ME.
Boxing Day was much, much better, as at least no one in that family is anywhere near as bossy as my Aunt. And no one made any snarky comments about my desserts, either. Points for them. That side of the family is so large and everyone is so loud though, that it can get pretty tiring pretty quickly. But still, I’d rather go deaf at the Boxing Day side of the family, than have to sit through Aunt Bossy’s orders again (and we all know how well I take orders, don’t we?!).
So tomorrow’s New Year’s Eve. Blah. I’ve called my best friend in Toronto, sent out e-mails, even called my brother. I haven’t heard from a blessed soul. My parents were originally going to do a fondue with me, but they were invited to their friends’ house, so it’s looking like my New Year’s will be me, a bottle of wine and baking chocolate (that’s about all I have). At least last New Year’s Eve, I wasn’t all alone – I was with my best friend, her parents and my godsons. Have I mentioned how glad I am to be back in Ontario? 
