Ooookay. I know what I said about no more drinking on school nights, but I couldn’t help it! I was SO curious about Pepé that I went out again the following Thursday (now, keep in mind that this post is a long time in coming – this all happened just under a month ago. Sorry, just getting around to posting it now), just to see how he would act around me. As a result, I think I can safely say that (almost) all interest has been extinguished. He was kind of “multiple personality Pepé” that night. Strange and disturbing, not to mention frustrating.
Audrey joined us as well and got all girlie on me. You know, asking me to go to the washroom with her, asking me to come out with her while she smoked, that sort of thing. Each time we were alone, she would corner me and start talking about the previous week when she, Pepé and Mike all went back to Pepé’s place after the pub. She started with telling me that Pepé spent a lot of time flirting with her, then told me that she was actually more interested in Mike (okay, it’s important that I list ages here. Pepé is 25, Mike is 32, Audrey is 40-ish – but looks and acts much younger). Then she went on about how Mike kept offering to leave Audrey and Pepé alone, and we had to have a 10-minute conversation about what that ‘meant’.
I tried to explain to her that Pepé was the French Flirt-O-Matic and that you can’t really take him seriously, to which she agreed. I also explained that Mike has a very lovely girlfriend and that he might have just been trying to politely extricate himself from what he saw as a potentially uncomfortable situation – he doesn’t know Pepé all that well, and being a guy, I don’t know if Mike would know about the whole French Flirt-O-Matic thing. She said she hadn’t thought of it like that and then dropped in that if Mike had made a move, lovely girlfriend or not, she would have accepted. I sort of looked at her (like, “homewrecker!”) and she shrugged and informed me that it wasn’t up to HER to keep him faithful to his girlfriend. Flurgen. Nice.
A little while later, when we were once again alone (outside while she was smoking, this time), she asked me if I was interested in Pepé. I told her that I was on the fence about that, and the whole French Flirt-O-Matic thing was a real deterrent. So she stepped it up and asked me, “Would you sleep with him?” Odd question from someone I’ve only met once before! But, I answered her with, “Sometimes I think I would, but then he says something or something happens and my answer changes to a ‘Hell, no!’” She agreed with me and we went back into the pub.
Now, when Pepé had arrived, he’d originally gone to the other side of the table, then backtracked and came to sit next to me. I’m not going to lie – I was flattered. Eventually, he migrated out to the rear patio and I stayed inside, talking to Audrey (since we were the only two women there, it seems that there’s some sort of rule that we have to be together at all times? I swear, I don’t get chicks). Eventually, she migrated out there after him (shock!) and left me alone to talk to my wee bro and some of his other friends.
By this point, Mike had shown up and we were chatting about the previous week. He told me that he’d been trying to leave Audrey and Pepé alone that night because Audrey was really coming on strong with Mike. She knew he had a girlfriend and was still throwing herself at him. Now, I didn’t really doubt Mike only because Audrey is a VERY strong personality. It would have shocked me to hear that Mike had made a move, more so than hearing that Audrey had tried something. Anyway, from the sound of it, Audrey had been sort of following Mike around and touching him and saying suggestive things to him. Eventually, he tried to sort of foist her off on Pepé, as a way of distracting her. I guess Pepé didn’t really have a problem with it, seeing as he’s the French Flirt-O-Matic and all.
At the tail end of Mike’s side of the events, Pepé came stomping in from the patio and sat beside me. He fixed me with a pissy stare and then sort of spat out, “Why are you telling people that I hit you?” Whoa, talk about coming out of left field! Just in case you don’t remember the story, here’s a refresher:
The previous week, I’d been DRUNK. Like, well out of my head, DRUNK. As in, I don’t remember most of what happened that night, drunk. Anyway, Pepé is a boxer, as well as a smart-ass. I guess he’d said something smart, I’d come out with a snappy response, and he said something about me being infuriating or wanting to hit me (as a joke, calm down). Being the confrontational, drunk bitch that I am, I tapped my chin and told him to do it. Remember that the last time I did this, he ended up kissing my neck.
Well, as per usual, he refused the first couple of times, I taunted him and kept tapping my chin, and eventually he very lightly backhanded my jaw. As in, the tips of his fingers tapped my jaw. I was just so drunk (and slightly shocked) that it sort of sent me a little reeling.
When he’d come in earlier in the evening, I’d been quizzing him about the previous week (trying to see if he would repeat the whole “I want you” sentiment. Sad, I know, but I am not above such pathetic ploys), and had asked him if he had hit me, or if I was making things up in my drunken stupor. He told me that he had taken me up on my offer, told me that he’d barely tapped me and that I was a lightweight and then expressed surprise that I’d so completely forgotten that whole night. He actually looked a little relieved. Maybe he was happy that I wasn’t going to try and hold him to the whole “I want you” statement. Damn.
Anyway, I’d been talking to Audrey about the previous week BEFORE Pepé had shown up, and telling her about my strange, drunken half-memories and had mentioned that I thought Pepé might have smacked me as a joke. I guess when Pepé and Audrey were both out on the patio, she must have said something to him about it, which is when he came in, sat down, glared at me and asked me why I was telling people that he’d hit me. He was so mad about it, he almost scared me.
I looked at him and was like, “I told Audrey that I couldn’t remember much from that night, she asked what I DID remember and I told her that I had a vague recollection of you tapping me on the chin. I also told her that I’d been taunting you and that I DESERVED it.” Now *I* was mad, so I leaned closer to him and asked, “Jesus, Pepé. What kind of a chick do you think I am?”
He seemed appeased by this and calmed down enough to tell me, “I don’t know what kind of woman you are… but you don’t know my history. You don’t know about my life. To tell people that I hit you… I don’t hit women. Ever.” And got all dramatic and moody and whatnot. So, being the adult that I am, I apologized for the confusion, assured him that Audrey knew it was just a joke (although, it made me wonder what she had said to him, since I HAD made sure she’d known it was just a joke). Okay, crisis averted and he seemed to go back to (relatively) normal. Until Audrey came in and sat with us.
I can’t remember the whole conversation, but suffice to say that they both had a LOT of misunderstandings between them, and I somehow got caught in the middle. They weren’t arguing really, but things got slightly heated and I had to step in and tell Pepé to just bloody well let it GO. When Audrey got up from the table to get another drink, Pepé leaned into me and whispered, “It’s all HER. I knew she was a shit-stirrer when I first met her.” Snort! So I asked back, “So then why do you talk to her?” He couldn’t answer. This was when it started to sink in for me: they’re all NUTS and I think I’ve just worn out my welcome with my wee bro’s friends. Somehow, I ended up in the middle of this weird-ass feud, and I didn’t know how to extricate myself.
On one hand, I had HER trying to be my best friend because we were the only girls there and she needed someone to gossip about the cute boys with. On the other hand, I had HIM telling me that Audrey was causing all these problems, when he was the one that went off the deep end in the first place. Ugh.
Either way, by the end of the night, I was worried that I would never be invited out with wee bro and friends again, and Pepé, Audrey and Mike were all going back to Pepé’s house for Round Two of what had happened the week before. It turns out that I was right to worry, as I was invited out the next week (but couldn’t make it, and didn’t really WANT to see Pepé and Audrey again that soon) but never again, and every other invitation that I have issued to wee bro has been turned down. So, I sit alone in my apartment, drink wine and try NOT to think about how I’m wasting my life.
