Well, I’d say about a month is long enough to recuperate and finally make a go at posting about my friend Sarah’s wedding. First let me say that it was lovely AND that SHE was lovely for allowing me to bring a Safety Date. That’s right – I was going to be the ONLY single person at the wedding and for that reason, the Bride allowed me to bring a platonic male friend as a Safety Date, if only to ensure that I would always have someone to talk to. Well, that and have someone to drive down with.
The wedding was in Waterford, which is about an hour and a half outside of Toronto. We lucked out with the weather and it was actually a very nice drive. My Safety Date, Chris, and I got a bit of a late start (there might have been drinking at my house the night before) and then we were required by our hangovers to stop at a rest stop along the way for appropriately greasy food (really, it’s always best to eat before a wedding because you never know how long it will be before all the speeches are finished and you can finally eat).
One of the funniest things that happened the whole weekend was in the car, on the way to the wedding. Chris and I were stuck in stop-and-go traffic along the highway for about 20 minutes and as the traffic was just starting to speed up again, someone honked. I had a look around, and found that a car behind me and to my right was trying to catch up to me. The driver had rolled down his window and was gesturing frantically at me. I slowed down, thinking, “Oh my Gods. Something’s horribly wrong with my car and this lovely man is trying to tell me, so that we don’t all die in a fiery crash!”
As he pulled up alongside us, Chris rolled down his window and tried to catch what the guy was saying. I was watching the road, seeing as we were doing approximately 100 km/h. When I looked over to see if we were actually going the same speed, he suddenly swerved toward us. “We’re all going to die!” rocketed through my head and I swerved away from him, screaming “Watch out!” I finally looked at Chris, to see if my passenger was scared sh&tless yet (I’m told that my driving can scare some people. Maybe it’s because I mainly drive with people who DON’T drive, but I digress) and found that he seemed to have magically sprouted a magazine from his hands. Ummm?
The other car had fallen back by then, and I asked Chris what the hell he had in his hands. He waved it at me and it turned out to be an American Christian right-wing magazine. Huh. Apparently, the complete effing WHACK JOB in the car next to us had felt it necessary to nearly KILL US ALL in an effort to spread his Jesus-crazed bible propaganda. Excellent! Of course, once we got to talking to some of the other people at the wedding, we found two other carloads of people that had run into this nutter as well!! Honestly… what ever happened to standing on the corner with a sandwich board and spouting your crazy at the passers-by? WHEN did the loonies take to the highways?!
Anyway, after managing to avoid the attempted assassination by the American Christian Nutjobs, we finally got to the wedding site in one piece, which was a summer camp for kids with cancer (and the revenue from the wedding goes to the camp! How cool is that?!), found our cabin (all of which have two bathrooms and three bedrooms, two bunk beds to a room), brought in our stuff and hurriedly changed (calm down – we changed in different rooms. SAFETY DATE, people!). We wandered outside and made our way over to where the wedding was supposed to take place.
On our way past the cabins, I saw some ‘friends’ (people I know) and steered Chris over, so we could say hello. Suffice to say that they weren’t the most enthusiastic with their salutations. My greetings were met mostly with blank stares and the sound of crickets. I found out later (and. likely after many drinks) that they were all stunned by my ‘date’. Always good to know that your ‘friends’ look at your date and wonder how YOU ever managed to get such a hoing to come with you to a wedding. Nice, eh? Ya, it turns out that they were all in hoing for my safety date (and they were all disappointed to learn that’s all he was; that there is no way in HELL we would EVER date or much less get physical. Ack! Disgust shivers down my back!) and were so incapacitated that they were unable to say hello to ME. Typical.
Anyway, the wedding itself was beautiful – perfect weather and a nice chance to catch up with a few people I haven’t seen in so long. 
Even my safety date found people to talk to, and like a good friend, was on the lookout for men for me. Sadly, he did not succeed. Although, after a few drinks, I took to the dance floor and I’m pretty sure that the spectacle of me dancing killed any chances I might have had with any of the men there (beside Chris, I think there was one single guy there. He honestly looked like he was about 10. No joke!). All in all, though, it was a beautiful wedding – great, simple food; take home mini-bushels of apples, complete with attached apple recipes and a late night on our shared front porch with the other guests. I’m glad to say that I believe a good time was had by all.
Of course, the next morning showed us all just HOW good of a time we’d had. In all honesty, I’m not entirely sure that I should have driven after having had about 3 hours of sleep, but we stopped in at a greasy spoon for breakfast and by the time we were done, I was good to go (fuelled by coffee). Chris snoozed in the car while I sang along to the radio. I drove him home, came back to my place, threw on sweats and promptly passed out on the couch for a good four hours. When I woke up, I moved into my bed. Yup, I threw away my entire Sunday sleeping off the hangover. Oh, such decadence! 
